Where Have I Been?

That's a good question, i know.  Ever had it where life seems to get away from you and you get caught up in doing the same old thing day after day, the same routine day after day, week after week?  Life has a way of becoming like that, doesn't it?  We are all busy with day to day activities and before we know it, another day, week, month, and year have passed.  

I have been meaning to write more but there's always some excuse that comes up and makes me say, "I'll do it later," and of course later comes but something else comes along that gets my attention.  Sad part is, it's usually not all that important.  Usually what ends up happening is I have to down sick, or something with nothing else to do, before I think about writing something.  Like right now😏

I have been doing well for the most part this past year.  Nothing major, and not a whole lot of sinus issues and the typical issues that I tend to get.  I have remained out of the hospital for well over a year now.  Well, this past weekend was a day spent in the ER but I wasn't admitted and my head is totally fine and has been stable for a while now.  Tremors and nerves have also been under control.  So why the visit you may ask.. The doctor told me to go.  

No, she didn't tell me to go, just for me to say hello to the staff and patients.  I've been struggling since the end of January with always getting tired, and short of breath way too easily and the lungs hurting and feeling worse.  I went to the doctor after a week of feeling that way and was told that I had started to develop pneumonia and I was put on some antibiotics and sent on my way.  I gave it a few days for it to work, but I still wasn't feeling better.  In fact it felt like I was getting a little worse. The doctor reassured me that it just takes time and to be patient.  I had seen the doctor three times and had the same answer, "patience." " Fine, I'll wait a little longer." I thought.

I had been having good days in the midst of this though as well as the rough days feeling extra tired and all.  Last week, it was very evident that I was feeling worse, and people could read it all over my face. I started to develop a fever on Friday and I emailed my doctor.  She advised me to come in to the office and I listened. 😇

The doctor I saw, did the exam and had some lab work and a chest X-Ray done.  X-ray was clear but the labs came back reading that my white blood cell count was quite high, which meant I was fighting some sort of infection.  That only meant, I was sent home with more antibiotics.  What is it about prescribing those so fast without doing a little more investigating anyway?  If you know the answer to that please tell me.😉

The doctor wanted me to come into urgent care on Sunday morning to do another exam and see my progress.  Well, I never made it that far because on Saturday my temperature was rising pretty high.  I was able to get it down with Tylenol but it would go up again.  The doctor I saw Friday evening called me twice on Saturday to follow-up because she was worried about my lab results.  First of all, how many doctors do you know that randomly call on the weekend, out of the office? I've seen so many doctors and even for me, that's a first. Now back to the story... I told the doctor how I was doing and that my temperature made it over 103 and she told me not to wait until Sunday morning to be seen, but to get in now.  I may have pleaded a little bit but she was persistent. 

I went to the ER and didn't have to wait long.  I was careful about how I described my symptoms because once you mention chest pain, they assume it's the heart.  I do know where my heart is and it hurt on the right, not the left.  Still, I participated it doing the EKG just to make them happy. They left those sticky things on, but trust me, I took them off because they were done with them.  I always need goobegone just about to remove the residue those stickers always leave behind!

Anyway, i then proceeded to the exam room and the doctor ordered more blood work and a CT scan of the lungs.  The lungs were quite inflamed.  Not only that but they discovered I had quite a bit going on and that was the reason I wasn't getting better and only worse.

The final diagnosis...

- severe sepsis with acute organ disfunction

- Elevated live function

- Acute interstitial pneumonia

After hearing that I thought of two things. "I told you so." and "I'm glad they found something and didn't try to say that I was just worrying to much, or making it up."

Now, here I sit, at home.  Yes, I'm home and I didn't have to be admitted.  Why? I really don't know because everyone is surprised they let me go home with all of that going on.  Since I have been missing church for quite some time and I've been a bit quiet lately, I thought it was time to give people an update.  So, here you go. 😏

The good news is, I was reassured that I will recover form this and that it's just going to be a little while longer.  Now if they would have said be patient one more time, I may have responded in a way that would not at all be Christlike. They didn't say it! 

Please just be praying.  That's the best thing for you to do.  I do want to get back to writing and I'm going to try.  Just not sure as to when, or what about yet.  Thank you everyone!  Hope you had a little chuckle too, while reading this.  If not, just chuckle now and be happy. 😁

God bless you all.

Who do you Stand For?

I have been hearing a lot of ridicule lately.  All over the world, people are being persecuted for their faith in Christ.  I have heard comments on TV and seen different shows, where people are mocking Jesus, and mocking people who love and follow Him.  Just the other day I heard a comment from a celebrity who thinks people who love and thank Jesus, are people that are ex-crackheads.  There was a comment several months back from another celebrity who said that those who follow Christ have some sort of mental illness.  Everyday, people are mocking others who love Jesus in some way or another.  There has been horrible comments lately and honestly, it's just sad.  What is sad, is that there are more people in the world that don't have a relationship with Christ and are going to be spending eternity in hell, than there are those who are saved.  Those that are laughing at Christians and mocking them now, will one day be cast into the lake of fire for eternity, unless they come to Christ before it's too late.  All these people who are making fun of Christians, mocking the name of Christ and saying these horrible comments, are  people who in reality are miserable people.  They are the ones that are messed up.  Why are people who seem to have everything, as far as materialistic things go, and have all the money in the world, miserable people?  Why do you suppose that there are so many suicides and drugs and alcohol overdoses?  Are you happy when you get the house you want, or car, or job or whatever else you desire?  You might be for a while, but it won't be long before there is something else that you want to have.  None of us can find our joy and happiness from the things of this world. These are sensitive subjects and yet ones that really aren't addressed as much as they should be.  God has said that this world is full of troubles and hard times and that is because of a sinful broken world.  However, even though we do  have many troubles in this world, God also promises that He has overcome the world.  He did so by sending His Son Jesus to die on the cross.  He promises to be with us in  times of trouble, and if we choose to trust Him and follow Him, we will get through any hard time that comes our way, through His strength, and His alone. 

If you do not accept Jesus as your Savior, the Bible is very clear about where you will be spending eternity.  The thing is, God doesn't want His people to be eternally separated from Him.  God also doesn't want to force people to follow Him.  God desires a willing heart and someone who desires Him above all else.  Jesus is coming again soon.  God will only allow the world to go on for so long before He brings down the final judgement.   If you choose to follow God and His desires, and accept Jesus as your Savior, you will be welcomed into Heaven, but if you choose to live a life without Him, and decide that you don't need Him, you will be turned away.  Jesus was very clear about that and whether you acknowledge Him or not.  Matthew 10:32-33 says, "Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven.  But whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my Father in heaven."

Who will you stand up for today?  Will you stand up for Christ or the ways of the world?  I really hope and pray that you will choose Christ.  Your eternal destiny really depends on it.  Not only that, but your life on earth will be so much greater with God in it.  I myself have gone through many different trials and hardships in life but in all honesty, I have gotten through every single hardship because of His strength, and no matter what happens to me, I have nothing to fear, because I do have Christ as my Rock, and He's all that I need in life. 

It’s Easter!

Happy Easter everyone!  What a glorious day for us to celebrate.  Jesus is alive.  He dies and He rose again and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty.  From there He will judge the living and the dead.  Oh friends, if you love Jesus with all your heart, you know you have an eternal award in store for you and you have nothing to fear because our God is with you and He watches over you day and night.  No matter what you are going through, you will never be alone.  People! If you don’t know Jesus and you desire to finally have a peace in your heart and that wonderful assurance of knowing you will go to heaven when you die, and you don’t have to ever be afraid of death, then all you have to do is accept Him into your heart.  Pray and ask Him to come into your life and ask Him to forgive your sins and thank Him for dying for you, so that you can have His free grace and eternal life with Him.

He wants to be in your life but He won’t force His way in you.  He has the power to make you do what He wants, but God would rather you choose Him for yourself and desire to follow Him.  He gives us freewill.  I sure hope that if you don’t already know Him, that you would begin to and ask Him into your life.  I don’t want to see anyone go to hell.  Hell if a very real place and I cannot begin to imagine spending eternity there.  I can’t imagine an eternity in heaven either but the thing is it’s far greater than anything that I can comprehend.

I have been facing many medical problems for the past 10 years and over the years those problems got worse. I was actually just in the hospital again and in intensive care for a day, then the step down unit because they wanted to watch me closely.  I have had pain that has brought me to tears and biting into the blanket so I don’t scream.  I have not bounced back as quickly as I usually do, and I’m still very weak.  I am bummed that I won’t be able to get to go to church but I still will watch a beautiful service with my amazing boyfriend and we will praise God together.  I share this because through all the pain I have endured and every hardship and trial that I’ve had throughout my life, that is nothing compared to how horrible hell will be.  I have screamed at doctors before because of pain and if you ever had a needle in your spine and the doctor struck the main nerve accidentally, you would  scream too.  It was then that I asked the doctor to just shoot me because the pain was just brutal.  I later told my mom that I want to continue to share the love of Jesus Christ because I don’t want anyone to go to hell.  I don’t know what brutal is compared to hell itself.  

Jesus suffered an unimaginable death for us and He was beaten and whipped until He was unrecognizable.  He did that because He loves you and He doesn’t want to see you go to hell either.  If you have never accepted Jesus, there’s no better time to do so then right now.  All you have to do is pray to Him from your heart and ask Him into your life.

It can be a prayer like this:

Heavenly Father, thank You for taking my punishment to the cross and dying for me.  I know that I am a sinner and I don’t deserve Your grace but I thank You for giving it freely.  I’m sorry for the sins that I have done and I ask for Your forgiveness.  Forgive me Father.  Please come into my heart and lead my life.  Take my life and make into who You want me to be p.  Thank You for Your amazing love.  Lord I love You and I for now on want to follow You and be with You.  In Jesus’ name, Amrn.

If you prayed that prayer, welcome to the family of God!  I now encourage you to tell a Christian friend and let them guide you through the next step.  If you don’t have one, that’s okay.  I encourage you to find a Christian church to attend and get a Bible.  If you cannot afford one, let me know and I will freely send you one.  Here’s the link to my church and it has resources on there to help you, along with the email address to the staff and they will gladly help you on your new journey with Christ.  www.crosspointcrcweb.org

Please feel free to message me as well if you have any questions or concerns.  I am more than willing to help you in any way I can.  God bless you dearly.

God, Where are You?

The past several months have had a lot of grief all around many people I know and people whom I do not know.  I don't have to look far to see brokenness.   The world is full of hurt in all different shapes and sizes.  My heart has been heavy lately because there are so many lives being taken away at all different ages.  Just about every week, there's another memorial service.  You may be reading this, and are someone who has lost someone dear to you.  There isn't anything that I can say that could take the pain away completely, because grief is just very painful and very real.  I've been there, and I still have my hurts that will last a lifetime but the only thing that gives me hope, is from God alone.  The title of this blog is definitely very different, compared to the previous titles I've had, but when we go through tough times, this question gets asked.  We may feel that God has left us, or is so distant from us and doesn't understand what we are going through.  Perhaps we don't believe He cares. 

There are many different thoughts that come across our minds in this but God understands.  I can tell you that He is never too far away, or not there at all.  He has you engraved in the palm of His hands and will never let you go.  Go ahead and cry out to Him and talk to Him like your best friend,because that's exactly Who He is.  He loves you more than anyone in the world, and loves you more than you can possibly comprehend.  Life is full of hard times.  Some people seem to have more than others, and it may seem like some don't have any at all.  We don't know what the person next to us is going through, but that's not for us to know.  God knows.  Right now, God says to give your worries, and troubles, and absolutely everything to Him.  Let Him carry the load you have on your shoulders.  He will always walk with you and carry you.  You never have to go alone.  Actually, you were created to need Him.  You can't do it alone, no matter how hard you try.  We need a Savior every moment of our lives. 

If you are going through grief right now, or some other difficult storm in life, I can't promise you that you are going to not feel pain or hurt when clinging to God, but I can promise you that you will have a peace, and joy and reassurance that only He can give.  I can also promise you that you will be comforted in ways that you never have before and will have a hope.  Death is not a pretty thing, but it is a part of life.  We are all going to die one day, unless Jesus returns before we do.  If you were to die right now, are you positive you will be going to heaven?  Jesus is the One and only way to heaven. It takes more than believing Jesus exists, and believing that He died on the cross.  Satan himself believes that much.  We need to have a relationship with Him.  God wants us to come to Him, and accept Him into our hearts.  He wants us to love Him above all and to give our lives over to Him.  You may be afraid of the word "surrender."  Let me tell you something.  Surrendering to God doesn't mean you will be captive and not have a free life.  It actually means being more free than you could ever be before.  You don't have to fear death, or shame, or anything because of Christ's love and ultimate sacrifice for you.  Your life will become complete with God in it.  Without God in your life, you will always try to find something to fill that void, but God and God alone can fill it.  Material goods, drugs, alcohol, money, and everything else in the world can never fill that void.  All of those things are useless, when we think about it.  They don't make us happy, nor complete, nor do they satisfy, because we are always going to be longing for more.  Not only does God meet every need but He gives us more than enough.  he also gives us love, peace, hope, and fills our hearts with assurance that we would never have without Him.  He gave up His life on the cross, so that we can have eternal life with Him in heaven and not eternal death in hell. All we have to do is accept Him and His amazing grace for us.  God is ever faithful and always will be.  He is always there for you, and loves you more than you could know. 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5 

 "Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'   The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." Lamentations 3:22-26

"The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Isaiah 58:11 (Favorite Bible verse.)

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

One of my favorite speakers in Jennifer Rothschild.  I saw a video the  other day with her and Krik Cameron.  I encourage you to watch it.  It's only 10 minutes long, but very true, and well said.  I will close with this: no matter what happens in life, just know that God does care, and holds you tightly to Him, and He is good all the time. 

Choose Joy

What does the word joy mean to you?  Is is a noun or a verb?  Maybe it's both?  I will tell you, it's both.  Though, when you think of the word joy, what comes to mind?  Do you think joy means to simply be happy all the time?  Why do you think joy is a fruit of the Spirit but happiness isn't?  These are questions to think about really.  I looked it up in the dictionary just for the sake of it, but I would prefer to say what God thinks about it.  He wrote about joy long before Webster did.  (For all who wonder who that is, just a name of a English dictionary.)  

Look at the picture here.  There  is a reason we sing Joy to the World.  Christmas we celebrate the Savior's birth, but I hope we do more than celebrate.  I hope we can say we rejoice in His birth, death and resurrection daily.  Jesus did come down from His heavenly throne for us.  Because of His amazing love, we can live a life with Him, and have the reassurance of eternal life if we have chosen to accept Him into our lives, and confess our sins to Him.  He is the answer to everything we need, and He is the reason why we have joy.  Even when times are hard, we can still choose joy and we should.  Choosing joy doesn't mean that you slap a smile on your face 24/7 and are happy all the time.  When trials come, it's not wrong to have grief and pain because of it.  However, when you have that true joy in your heart that only Jesus can give, and focus on  that, and focus on the hope, and reassurance that comes from Him, a strong sense of peace comes over us.  The peace of knowing that no matter what, Christ will walk us through.  

There's an old saying in life, that you either look at the glass half full, or you look at it half empty.  To be honest I was never really a fan of hearing that.  Usually I needed to though.  I want to give you another challenge though.  Whether you are struggling with some sort of hardship now, or the next time you do, turn those doubts, fears, sadness, loneliness, worry, grief, bitterness, and whatever other down emotion you may be having, into prayer and give all your concerns to God.  Let Him fill you with the joy only He can give.  Let Him comfort you in a way that only He can.  God loves you.  When you are in the storms in life, God isn't far away on the shore, He's right there in the boat with you.  He knows your pain even better than you do.  Let Him carry you and walk besides you.

This Christmas, focus on the true meaning.  Never lose focus on why we celebrate this joyous season.  I know that so often the season can be hard for many of you because of loss and heartaches in your life.  I struggle with it myself.  When we fix our eyes on Jesus though, He does give us the strength we need to carry on.

So no matter what, choose joy.  There is always something to be joyful about.  The greatest Gift of all, loves you.  He loves you more than you can possibly imagine.  He collects every tear in a bottle. For God to hold onto every tear, really means something.  He really wants to be your comfort. Your strength.  Your absolute everything.  He's your Heavenly Father.  He knows the number of hairs on your head, and not a one of them falls off without His knowing.  Let Him surround you.  He truly is the answer. There is not one materialistic thing in this world that can satisfy your needs.  Even if you have everything you could possibly want, you will never have the true joy in your heart.  Only Jesus Christ can fill that void in your heart.  Once you focus on Him, your life will never be the same.